“You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world—and there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches.”
Not everyone’s cup of tea.
That phrase used to bother me. Maybe it still does sometimes. Because when you care—about your work, your faith, your values, your people—it’s natural to want to be understood. To want to be received well and feel like you belong. But here’s what I’ve learned, we were never meant to fit neatly into everyone’s expectations. We were never meant to be poured, measured, or watered down just so we would be easier to swallow. Our world quietly teaches us to blend in, soften our tone, watch our words, and make ourselves smaller so we don’t make anyone uncomfortable. We check ourselves constantly—am I too much? Am I not enough?—and it’s exhausting. And yet, no matter how carefully we try, someone will still misunderstand us.
Wanting people to like us isn’t a flaw, It’s human and at one point in history, belonging meant survival. Being part of the group kept us safe, and today, that same instinct shows up differently. It looks like over-explaining and over-giving. Saying yes when our whole body is saying no. Carrying emotional weight that was never ours to hold. Studies show that nearly 70% of adults struggle with people-pleasing, and many of them deal with stress, resentment, and a quiet loss of self because of it. That’s not weakness, that’s us being burnout from trying to be everything for everyone. When we try to be everyone’s cup of tea, we lose ourselves, our opinions get softer and our boundaries blur and the result: our voice gets quieter. We may be liked, but we are no longer rooted, and who we are at our core becomes irrelevant.
For women—and especially Caribbean women—this runs deep. We were taught to be polite, to keep the peace, mind our tone and endure quietly. As a child I remember silence being praised as respect and if we should dare ask a question we were labelled as disrespectful. Unfortunately our tradition carries weight, and sometimes that weight lands squarely on our backs. But honoring culture should not be looked at as abandoning ourselves. We can love where we come from and still choose to speak. We can be respectful and be honest and we can be grounded without being invisible.
The strength of not being everyone’s cup of tea
So here’s the shift that changes everything: being liked by everyone was never the goal. Some of the most meaningful things in life aren’t for everybody.
►Strong coffee.
►Real conversations.
►Deep faith.
►Hard truths :-).
They require a taste for depth and if we are for everyone, chances are we are standing on nothing solid. There is strength in being okay with a no, and yes, it is a complete sentence, no explanation needed. There is strength in being misunderstood and strength in knowing who you are even when others don’t. When you stop trying to audition for approval, you get your energy back, you stop performing and start truly living. And the people who are meant for you, the ones who value your voice, your presence and your truth, they will all find you!
Becoming more yourself
Because we have been caught up in being the opposite, becoming more of ourselves will take work, it will not be an overnight happening. It takes practice. So here is how you will cross the hurdle—
- Pause before you say yes. Ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to—or because I don’t want to disappoint anyone?
- Let silence do its work. Not everyone needs an explanation. Not every misunderstanding needs correcting.
- And when someone tells you that you’re “too much”—too loud, too emotional, too bold—remember this: they’re not asking you to change. They’re telling you their cup is small.
DONT SHRINK!
For our community
At TheBeyondWoman, we are choosing to see this differently. Not being liked isn’t a failure—WE ARE SEEING IT AS A FILTER. A filter that clears the noise and protects your peace. It makes room for real connection—the kind that feels honest, safe, and aligned. You are not here to be consumed and forgotten. You are here to be fully yourself.
Reflection: Where in your life are you still shrinking or explaining yourself just to be accepted—and what might shift if you allowed yourself to take up space instead?
LISTEN TO OUR LATEST PODCAST CONVERSATION
Gatekeeping doesn’t always look like exclusion. Sometimes it looks like silence, withheld information, or opportunities that never get shared. In this solo episode of TheBeyondWoman Conversations Podcast, host Jacqueline Johnson explores how gatekeeping — especially among women — quietly limits growth, leadership, and collective success. Grounded in real-world experience, Caribbean context, and research-backed insight, this episode challenges the scarcity mindset many women were conditioned to adopt and offers a healthier, more sustainable alternative. This is not a conversation about blame. It’s about awareness, responsibility, and building a culture where women don’t just rise — they rise together.
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Great Job Jacqueline & the Team @ THEBEYONDWOMAN Source link for sharing this story.
