I remember the season of my life when I thought being “fine” meant being functional. I was answering emails, hitting deadlines, showing up for everyone — but emotionally, I was on autopilot. My mind was racing, my body was tense, and my joy was gone. Still, I told myself, at least I’m getting things done.
That’s the tricky part about being high-functioning but not okay — you can look polished and in control on the outside while quietly unraveling inside. You’re driving 90 miles an hour, not because you’re thriving, but because slowing down feels dangerous.
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For many of us, especially Black women, we’ve been conditioned to equate productivity with proof of worth. We keep the car moving because stopping feels like failure. We’re told that being “strong” means never stalling, never showing strain — even when our internal check engine light has been blinking for miles.
I remember nights when I’d come home from work and immediately open my laptop again. I’d scroll, type, reply — trying to stay ahead, to keep up, to not fall behind. But beneath the motion was fear. Fear of disappointing someone. Fear of not being enough. Fear that if I slowed down, I’d have to feel everything I’d been avoiding.
And that’s the part no one talks about. Sometimes “high-functioning” is just our pain dressed up in perfectionism.
The overworking.
The over-giving.
The over-explaining.
All of it is a way to distract from the inner voice whispering, you’re not okay.
The Illusion of Control
Being in constant motion gives us the illusion of control. It feels safer to keep driving than to pull over and face what’s really happening under the hood — the grief, the resentment, the fatigue we’ve learned to suppress. But eventually, the constant motion stops feeling like empowerment and starts feeling like entrapment. You’re not driving anymore — you’re being driven.
You smile through meetings, host family gatherings, keep your calendar full. People look at you and think, “She’s doing amazing.” But what they don’t see is the exhaustion that follows you home. The way you collapse at night with your heart still racing. The way your mind won’t quiet, even in rest.
It’s like your transmission is stuck in drive — you can’t stop, can’t slow, can’t shift into neutral. You’re moving, but you’re not moving forward.
The Cost of Overdrive
When your engine is constantly revving, your body and mind eventually pay the price — sleepless nights, short tempers, forgotten meals, and that deep, indescribable emptiness that creeps in even after you’ve “accomplished” everything. We tell ourselves, once I get through this week, once I hit that goal, once I prove myself, — but there’s always another hill to climb.
Over time, achievement stops feeling like satisfaction and starts feeling like survival.
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The Reframe
Here’s what I’ve learned: your drive isn’t the problem — it’s what’s driving you.
If it’s fear, guilt, or the need to prove yourself, you’ll always be chasing a moving finish line. But if it’s purpose, peace, and care for your own wellbeing, you’ll find balance again. You can still be ambitious, still dream big — just not at the expense of your body, your boundaries, or your joy.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
- Am I achieving or just avoiding?
- Is my busyness a boundary or a disguise?
- What would happen if I stopped for a while?
Maybe it’s time to shift gears. Not into park — just into a pace that honors your humanity as much as your hustle.
Because being “okay” should never depend on how well you perform.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn’t to push harder — it’s to pause.
Great Job Kamron (Taylor) Melton & the Team @ Therapy for Black Girls Source link for sharing this story.
