When I ask you who your mentors are, who comes to mind first? A law professor? A parent? A former boss? Unsurprisingly, my mentors have included all of these, but my definition of a mentor also includes people whose examples have become a part of who I am, even if I never had the opportunity to meet them. Firms, local bar associations, and professional associations may have formal mentoring programs, which can be very worthwhile, but you can start today on a much smaller, more personal scale, in person or online. I try to learn from every colleague, client, opposing attorney, and judge, as well as from every book I read.
Think of it as recruiting a little help to be better at what you’re already doing. And I am not just talking about learning more about a substantive legal topic—it could be organization, or how to use a particular app, or how to manage time and stress. You may think that lawyers are too busy and overwhelmed with the actual practice of law to think about these topics, but that thinking leads to missed opportunities, including the opportunity to learn how to be a little less overwhelmed.
Ernest Shackleton: Sometimes You Help Someone by Helping Someone Else
I owe much of my development as a lawyer and a human being to paralegals who patiently trained me when I was fresh out of law school. I realize in retrospect how incredibly patient they were with me. Some of them were surprised when I later thanked them and told them they’d raised me as a lawyer. Recently, I was moved to receive a Mother’s Day acknowledgement from a colleague who considered me her “work mom.” And sometimes, we can learn from people who aren’t exactly allies. Every day presents us the opportunity to be a good example or a horrible warning. As Grandma taught us, you can be a blessin’ or you can be a lesson. Sometimes, we learn critical lessons from those who show us what we don’t want to do.
One of my most impactful role models for working well with people is Ernest Shackleton, whose leadership during an ill-fated attempt to cross Antarctica is so renowned that it has become the subject of entire courses in business schools. In 1914, Shackleton’s ship, Endurance, became trapped in, and eventually crushed by, ice. Realizing that the only hope for his entire crew’s survival was for a small group to travel by open lifeboat to find help while the rest camped on the ice, Shackleton chose five sailors to join him on the harrowing journey. Shackleton surprised everyone by choosing to take a carpenter, Harry “Chippy” McNish, as one of the five in the lifeboat. Chippy was what you might call a difficult co-worker. Chippy had a history of insubordination that was so awful that Shackleton, by some accounts, had threatened to shoot Chippy and had written in his journal that he would never forgive him. On the journey, Chippy’s carpentry skills turned out to be critically important, and Shackleton praised his grit. Undoubtedly, some sailors may have seemed like a more intuitive choice and may have been unhappy not to have been chosen for the lifeboat. Nevertheless, Shackleton’s choice to take Chippy was not a mistake, and historians have praised Shackleton’s choice to do so, because conditions for both groups were so precarious that Chippy’s potential impact on the morale of the group left back on the ice, without Shackleton there to be a moderating influence, would have been catastrophic. Shackleton protected, led, and guided both groups by keeping good sailors close, but keeping Chippy closer. And the journey gave Shackleton one more opportunity to try to reach and teach Chippy. This lesson in leadership and teamwork has been one of the most valuable and important things I’ve ever learned from anyone.
Give a Compliment: The Ben Franklin Effect
So, now that you’re sold on seeking out mentors wherever you go, let’s begin. Who are you already learning things from? Who is cheering your progress? Who has shown patience with a mistake you’ve made? Start with them. Celebrate small victories—not just your own, but others’ small victories as well—and tell people what you’re learning from them. I have a sign in my office that says, “To inspire people, don’t show them your superpowers. Show them theirs.” When you want everyone around you to learn and grow, you will inevitably learn from them as well.
You can also start by treating every gap in your knowledge as an opportunity to learn. If asking someone to meet you for coffee so you can ask them questions about a specific topic sounds too daunting, then asking can be as simple as starting a group text to pose a question. I am in several group texts with current and former co-workers in which we ask each other everyday questions. The advice we’ve given each other has helped us to avoid mistakes and to be better at our practices. It has also built our friendships.
You may be thinking, But what if I’m just imposing? Reciprocity is important and so is saying thank you and paying it forward. If someone has taught you something, you can brag on them to others, send them a thank-you text, or surprise them with a small gift. I recently ordered a small “Live, Laugh, Lawsuit” desk plaque for an attorney who had given me some sound advice. It made him smile when he received it, and now it sits on his desk as a reminder that he was a helpful resource to someone else. But asking for help or advice is rarely unwelcome: Ben Franklin famously turned a rival into a friend by borrowing a book from him and returning it with a thank-you note, because it turns out that doing a favor for someone actually makes you like them more. This has become known as the “Ben Franklin effect.”
Pay It Forward—and Say Thank You
If someone has been a good example or given you helpful advice, it’s never too late to thank them—even years later. You never know what it might mean to them. As I was writing this article, I recalled that one of my first supervising attorneys taught me, early in my career, to never, ever base your litigation strategy on the assumption that opposing counsel is not going to do their job, even if past experience makes you think that they won’t. It was obvious to him, but I needed to be told. I realized that, all these years later, I am still benefiting from that advice and quoting it to others, but I hadn’t thanked him.
Ours is a hard profession, and recognition is scarcer than it should be. If someone has inspired you with something that they’ve written or done or how they’ve handled something, tell them. You may make their day, and you will begin to build a culture of curiosity and generosity around yourself.
I reached out to some of my mentors to ask them for advice about writing this article. Some of them were pleasantly surprised to learn that I considered them a mentor. One of the most rewarding examples was one of my kids’ teachers. Years ago, I saw him respond disarmingly to someone who had rudely pointed out a mistake he’d made by saying, with no sarcasm at all: “How lame of me! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to fix that!” Litigation has given me ample opportunities to use that teacher’s example when an opponent has tried to embarrass or wrong-foot me.
Be yourself and do what comes naturally to you. If gift giving isn’t your thing, you can give sincere skill endorsements on LinkedIn when you observe others exercising particular skills. You can be silly, if you tend toward silliness. I have given small trophies and tokens of appreciation, including goofy little crocheted potatoes, to multiple co-workers, and one of them recently emailed me a picture of his wee potato in a place of honor on his desk after he moved to a new firm.
Mentoring is valuable at all stages of our lives and careers. If you are a newer attorney, you may need guidance in substantive or procedural topics or professional development, but those of us who are more experienced can learn from you too. I can easily think of a long list of things that I’ve recently learned from younger people on topics ranging from AI to telecommuting to new developments in an unfamiliar area of practice to generational differences in social workplace expectations.
Life Lessons From a Witness
I’ll end with a story that demonstrates the importance of not only experience but also humility. When I was a first-year attorney, I was tasked with picking up a witness—a long-haul truck driver—from his rig outside the downtown area and prepping him for his deposition as I drove him to our office. I had used my signing bonus to buy a red sports car with a manual transmission. I was so very proud of my car—the first new car I’d ever owned—that I was oblivious to how bad I was at driving it. I was happily burbling along to the witness about being under oath and only answering the question that was asked and telling him how much he reminded me of my dad, when I realized that he looked unwell and a little nauseous. I thought that perhaps he was nervous, and I said, “Hey, let’s talk about something less stressful. Do you know that this is the first stick shift I’ve ever driven?” He looked at me and said, speaking very deliberately, “Ma’am. I know that.”
We switched drivers for the rest of the trip to my office.
Bobbi Reilly Sheahan is an attorney with Angel Reyes & Associates/Reyes Browne Law in Dallas. She still does not know how to drive a vehicle with a manual transmission.
Great Job Bobbi Reilly Sheahan & the Team @ Texas Bar Blog for sharing this story.
