Think about the last time your car was running on empty. That tense glance at the gas gauge. The silent prayers to make it “just a little farther.” The pit in your stomach when you realize you’ve been stretching fumes.
Now imagine living that way every day.
For many Black women, survival mode becomes the default setting long before we notice. We’ve been trained to push through exhaustion, pain, and stress—showing up for work, family, and community as if our tanks aren’t bone dry. Somewhere along the way, “empty” became normalized.
My Own Brush With Empty
I remember one week where I was juggling work deadlines, family obligations, and travel for obligation and not pleasure. Eating — let alone cooking — felt impossible. I told myself, “Just get through Friday.” Then Friday came, and my body simply said no. I could barely get out of bed.
READ: Session 387: Chasing the BagWithout Losing Your Mind
Looking back, the warning signs were everywhere — skipped meals, restless nights, constant irritability — but I ignored them because “pushing through” felt easier than stopping. That was my wake-up call: I had been running on E for far too long.
In that haze of exhaustion, I even drafted an email to my family with the subject line: “Dear Family, Please Help.” I never hit send, but here’s a piece of what I wrote:
Dear Family,
Lately, I’ve been struggling — more than I’ve let on. On the outside, things probably look fine: I have a job I care about, a new home I’m grateful for, and people who love me. But on the inside, I’ve been deeply tired, emotionally tapped out, and not like myself.
For years, I’ve been working two jobs, trying to hold space for everything and everyone. Somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling like me. I’ve been surviving more than living.
What I need most right now is compassion, not pressure. Space to heal, not to perform. I may be quieter for a bit, but that’s not distance out of rejection — it’s me trying to come back home to myself.
Thank you for always being in my corner, even when I don’t have the words.
Even though I deleted the draft, just writing those words out showed me the truth: I wasn’t fine. I was empty.
The Hidden Cost of Running on E
Living in survival mode keeps us hyper-vigilant, always bracing for the next demand. But that constant state of alert isn’t free. It taxes our bodies, clouds our minds, and chips away at joy. We may notice it in subtle ways — irritability, brain fog, physical aches — but often dismiss those signals as “just being tired.”
Why We Keep Pushing
The pressure to be strong, dependable, and unshakable is heavy. Whether it’s rooted in cultural expectations, family dynamics, or work responsibilities, the message is clear: don’t stop. Don’t slow down. Don’t let anyone see you break. And so we keep driving, even when the tank has been flashing empty for miles.
Recognizing You’re in Survival Mode
You might be running on E if:
- Rest feels foreign or guilt-inducing.
- You can’t remember the last time you slowed down without distraction.
- Your body sends signals — headaches, stomach issues, fatigue — that you ignore or minimize.
- You’re “functioning” but emotionally numb.
Choosing to Refuel
What would it look like to give yourself permission to stop? To pull over, breathe, and acknowledge that empty isn’t a badge of honor? Rest, therapy, community care, and boundaries aren’t luxuries — they’re fuel. They’re what allow us to move from mere survival to truly living.
Running on E isn’t sustainable. At some point, the engine will stop. The invitation here is to notice the gauge sooner, to honor your humanity, and to remember: you were never meant to drive on fumes.
Great Job Kamron (Taylor) Melton & the Team @ Therapy for Black Girls Source link for sharing this story.