The Gifts We Give Children Matter More Than We Think

Every book, doll and story quietly teaches children who they are expected to be and how they should treat others.

Gift-giving may seem small—a holiday ritual, a birthday moment, a simple gesture. But it lays a cultural and societal foundation. Children need stories that build possibilities, not break them into stereotypes. They need toys that expand their sense of self, not shrink it.

Nearly 20 years ago, when I launched Go! Go! Sports Girls, a line of dolls designed to inspire confidence and healthy play, I was pushing back against a toy aisle overflowing with beauty standards. At the time, there were 75 fashion doll lines on the market. Seventy-five ways to tell girls their value lay in how they looked.

Two decades later, with all our talk about empowerment and representation, that number hasn’t budged. We still have about 75 fashion doll lines, and children still walk through aisles filled with figures admired not for what they can do, but for how they look.

This isn’t just anecdotal, it’s systemic. In an experiment with ChatGPT, I used the same prompt twice: Generate toys for girls, and generate toys for boys. For girls, the AI suggested a pink playhouse. For boys, it produced an entire town complete with houses, businesses and schools. 

That contrast mirrors the real toy market. Girls’ toys often emphasize crafting, decoration and imagination, promoting patience and creativity, yes, but within contained, often domestic worlds. Boys’ toys, by contrast, center exploration, construction and problem-solving, encouraging early engagement with engineering, mechanics and systems. 

The message is subtle, but unmistakable: Girls decorate the world; boys build it.

When girls rarely see themselves as adventurers, athletes, scientists, inventors or leaders in children’s media, it shapes their sense of what is possible. The absence becomes a message of its own. When they mostly see female characters praised for their looks, or toys that prioritize fashion over courage, they learn that beauty is currency.

Children aren’t only absorbing messages from toys; they are hearing them from books, media, screens and national leaders who should be modeling dignity rather than derision. 

When girls rarely see themselves as adventurers, athletes, scientists, inventors or leaders in children’s media, it shapes their sense of what is possible.

So what is the cumulative message to girls? That appearance matters more than voice.

That speaking up has a cost.

That strong women are threats to be diminished.

That leadership is something men do to women, not with them.

Boys are absorbing all of this as well. When boys see girls represented mainly as sidekicks, fashion figures or passive characters, and when they hear powerful men demean women publicly, they learn something corrosive: that aggression toward women is normal. That girls’ feelings and bodies are fair game for commentary. That belittling women is a form of strength. That this behavior is what leadership looks like.

No boy deserves to grow up thinking that cruelty is masculinity.

No girl deserves to grow up thinking silence is safety.

But in today’s world, the stakes feel higher. We can’t silence every cruel comment a leader makes. We can’t rewrite every violent headline. We can’t erase the gendered insults that flare across social media. But we can choose the books we read to children at bedtime. We can choose the toys we put in their hands. We can choose the stories we celebrate. We can choose the images, the role models, the possibilities.

When the world shows children leaders who demean and belittle, the right story can teach them: Respect is real leadership.

When the world tells girls that appearance matters more than ability, the right toy can tell them:Your strength matters. When the world tells boys that dominance equals power, the right book can tell them: Empathy is courage.

When the world shows children leaders who demean and belittle, the right story can teach them: Respect is real leadership. The messages kids receive don’t exist in isolation. They echo. They reinforce one another. They build a worldview. This is why messages ingrained in toys, books, and media, matter so much more than we sometimes acknowledge.

That is why gift-giving, this seemingly simple, seasonal act, matters so much. Because every gift is a message. Every book, every doll, every character on a page is a small lesson about who children can be and how they should treat others.

An excellent resource for thoughtful, developmentally sound, and empowering gift ideas is the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio, a trusted guide that reviews toys for quality, learning value and age-appropriate design. 

As we choose gifts this year, let’s choose wisely, intentionally and with an eye toward the future we want our children to inherit and the world they will one day lead.