The Trap of ‘Existence as Resistance’: Surviving Authoritarianism by Expanding Networks of Care

Non-normative families may challenge social norms, but real resistance requires redistributing care, time and resources beyond the household.

This essay is part of an ongoing Gender & Democracy series, presented in partnership with Groundswell Fund and Groundswell Action Fund, highlighting the work of Groundswell partners advancing inclusive democracy. You’ll find stories, reflections and accomplishments—told in their own words—by grassroots leaders, women of color, Indigenous women, and trans and gender-expansive people supported by Groundswell. By amplifying these voices—their solutions, communities, challenges and victories—our shared goal is to show how intersectional organizing strengthens democracy.

So you and your polycule have found a cute little house to rent, and you’re finally going to build the queer commune of your dreams. All that’s missing is the rainbow flag in the window and the “In Our America…” sign on the lawn. 

While it would be all too easy to subscribe to the idea that your very existence is a form of resistance, we should all be mindful to avoid this trap.

It’s true, for those of us in blended, non-normative, queer and chosen families, our ability to succeed and thrive is something to celebrate. So many of our nation’s systems, from insurance coverage to hospital visitation to workplace bereavement leave, only offer benefits to very narrow definitions of nuclear families formed by biological and legal means. Especially in this moment, when Project 2025 has declared the nuclear family “the foundation of a well-ordered nation and healthy society” and the current administration pushes a pro-natalist vision of IVF, there’s no doubt that existing as a non-normative family makes a radical statement. 

However, our existence alone is not enough to challenge the oppressive systems we live under. We should all take a closer look at our identities and ask ourselves, “What am I actually doing to disrupt the current order?” 

… The only way we will survive the coming years of advancing authoritarianism, climate collapse and increasing precarity is by actively investing in networks that are much wider than our households

For many LGBTQ+ people, especially those who are white, cisgender, well-educated and wealthy, for example, authentically living out our sexuality alone does not help dismantle the structures that perpetuate racism and poverty. As scholar Cathy Cohen illustrated, to realize the radical potential of queerness, we cannot simply exist as queer people—we must recognize our affinity with all marginalized people and work to stop the forces that subjugate us all.

The same goes for those of us in non-nuclear and chosen families. Imagine a non-normative family with more than two co-parents who work high-paying jobs to fund their lifestyles without engaging in any form of justice work. It makes little difference that they stray away from the nuclear family model if they continue to benefit from their privileges without challenging them or extending resources to other people. It is not enough to go against the institutionally sanctioned way of building family if our actions do not oppose the many other harms of our institutions—particularly to BIPOC, poor folks and disabled people.

… To realize the radical potential of queerness, we cannot simply exist as queer people—we must recognize our affinity with all marginalized people and work to stop the forces that subjugate us all.

There’s no cut-and-dry answer to the question of whether “existence is resistance,” because we all hold so many different identities, but it’s worth keeping in mind where the phrase comes from: the struggle for Indigenous sovereignty. For Indigenous people, such as Palestinians, staying alive and preserving their culture is a profound form of opposition. Existence is radical when you are under direct attack, when the state is working against you rather than for you. 

For most of us living in non-nuclear formations, that is simply not the case. For that reason, our actions must extend beyond our households and spread outward. If you live in co-operative housing or with multiple partners, could you use the money you save living communally to give back to your unhoused neighbors? Could you use the time and energy you save getting childcare from your village to participate in community organizing? 

I know this is easier said than done. Too many of us struggle to support our families and immediate care networks as it is. However, the only way we will survive the coming years of advancing authoritarianism, climate collapse and increasing precarity is by actively investing in networks that are much wider than our households. 

Start getting to know your neighbors. Get involved in local groups organizing for change. Deepen your commitment to caring for people in your community the way you care for your family. We owe it to ourselves and to each other to deeply question our own complacency with these systems and commit to doing more to subvert them.