‘Worse Than War’: A Texas Couple Was Forced to Flee the State for Essential Care—Twice

This story was originally published by Courier Texas.

Hollie Cunningham’s family suffered incredible loss during two pregnancies. The mother of two was forced to flee Texas to get the care she needed, as she explains below in an interview with Courier Texas writer Bonnie Fuller. Note to sensitive readers: Some of this story may be difficult to read.

Here’s Hollie’s story, in her own words:

I never thought the word abortion would ever be part of my journey. I always thought, “Oh, you get married, you get pregnant. You have babies.” I always wanted lots and lots of kids. I love kids. I taught kindergarten for years.

My husband, Cody, and I met in high school, and we’ve been married for 10 years now. We have two healthy sons—one is now 8 and the other is 5. 

It felt like an answered prayer when I found out I was pregnant again in October 2022.

My mom was about to have major brain surgery to remove a tumor next to her spinal cord that could have paralyzed her. I had been praying to get pregnant again after a miscarriage earlier in the year.

I wanted to give her something to fight for, because she didn’t think she would survive the surgery. It was wonderful that I was able to give my mom this news, and while it was really tough, she made it through the surgery.

Just before Christmas, one of my closest friends threw me the most beautiful gender reveal party. We had a white tree wrapped in blue and pink Christmas lights. We did a countdown and pulled a cord, and only the pink lights remained on the tree.

We were having a girl, which has always been our dream. It was a very exciting, emotional moment for all of us.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant, my husband, Cody, and I went to see a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) specialist for our anatomy scan.

The first 30 minutes went great. We saw 10 fingers and toes. Our baby’s heartbeat and blood flow were great. Everything was perfect. But when the sonogram technician got to our baby’s head, she went silent.

I immediately sensed something was wrong and asked her about it, but she replied that she needed to get the doctor.

As we waited for the doctor, my heart was racing and I started to cry. I had never thought that halfway through a pregnancy, something bad could happen.

When the doctor came in after what felt like hours—though it was probably just minutes—he performed the sonogram again for a few seconds and then stopped.

He pulled the sheet back up over my belly, sat back and said: “I’m sorry, but your baby has anencephaly.”

I asked, “What is that?”

He said, “Your baby’s brain and skull have not developed. They didn’t close. There’s no surgery that can help your baby. She is incompatible with life.”

When those words came out of his mouth, my life just shattered. I became hysterical, screaming and crying.

As my husband was trying to calm me down, I remember asking the doctor, “What do we do?” and he said, word for word: “With the state laws in Texas, I can’t tell you what you can and cannot do.”

I was very confused by what he said because at the time, I didn’t really know about Texas’ abortion bans. I had always figured that if something were to go wrong with my pregnancy, my doctor would be able to do what she needed to take care of me.

We were escorted out through a back way. When we got back in the car, my husband was shaking and I was screaming in pain at what we had just learned.

My husband had to drive off to the side of the road, and he threw up.

We drove directly to my own OB-GYN’s office, because I was desperate to have a doctor I knew confirm the diagnosis. When we were there, she held me and we cried together after she was able to see for herself in a sonogram that my baby did have anencephaly.

She explained to me, “Hollie, my hands are tied. As long as your baby has a beating heart, there is nothing I can do for you in Texas. She will keep growing, but if you carry her to term, there will be risks to your health and life.”

I didn’t really know about Texas’ abortion bans. I had always figured that if something were to go wrong with my pregnancy, my doctor would be able to do what she needed to take care of me.

I would be at risk for severe hemorrhaging that could require a hysterectomy, and she said that many anencephaly babies require a C-section since they remain in a breech position.

But I also learned that even if I continued to carry our baby, she would likely be stillborn or die shortly after birth.

I remember my husband talking then about whether we would risk having me carry our baby, or I would have an abortion. He is a former Marine, with four years of active duty. He did two combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, and his time in combat was very dangerous.

He lost a lot of his “brothers” and has struggled with PTSD since he came home.

He told me that if I was forced to continue this pregnancy and then to watch our baby turn blue and die in our arms after she was born, it would have killed him. It would have been worse than war.

He was angry—and still is—with the state of Texas. He feels like he put his life on the line and was in danger every single day fighting for our freedom, and Texas has taken our freedom to do what is best for my life, our family and our baby away from us.

Who would want their baby to be hooked up to morphine and to suffer and die, gasping for air?

It blows my mind that these politicians can’t understand this. It’s not OK.

After speaking with my OB-GYN, we went straight to see my parents. We all live just outside Dallas.

The last thing I wanted was to give my poor mom, who was still recovering from her surgery, this news. It just tore her up.

My dad held me in his arms like I was a baby while I cried.

Then we talked about what we would do. I had two healthy boys who needed their mom. I realized that I couldn’t risk my life going to term with this baby.

We got on the computer and searched for clinics in New Mexico, which was the closest state that didn’t have an abortion ban. I was able to find a clinic that could take me in two weeks for an abortion at 22 weeks, which was just before their cutoff at 23 weeks.

We told our boys that I was going on a “work trip with Daddy.” We had to find a babysitter, book plane tickets, find a hotel and also pay for the abortion, which cost over $7,000 because I was so far along.

It was a real financial burden that probably came close to $10,000 once all the costs were added up, and of course, nothing was covered by insurance.

It was a very hard trip. My husband was not allowed in the clinic. He could only walk me to the door and hug and kiss me goodbye.

The doctor at the clinic was very loving, and when I explained my situation, we cried together. It turned out she was from Dallas, but because of the Texas abortion laws, she had relocated to New Mexico.

She had to prep my cervix for the abortion on my first visit to the clinic because I was so far along, by inserting seaweed dilators to soften it.

Then she inserted the medicine that was going to stop my baby’s heart, and that’s the moment I lost it. I felt guilty, even though I knew it was really the anencephaly that was taking her life.

But nevertheless, I felt like I had agreed to stop her heart. I rubbed my stomach and told her how much I loved her and that I was so sorry. I asked the doctor if my baby would suffer as she passed away because that was the last thing I ever wanted.

The doctor reassured me that she wouldn’t; she would just slowly and peacefully go to sleep.

When I was able to leave, my husband met me at the door and covered me with a jacket to protect me from the protesters outside. They had been screaming and shouting at my husband, saying we were “murderers,” and it was terribly upsetting for him.

When we were back at the hotel, as I lay on the bed, I could still feel my baby girl kick, and my husband actually felt her kick for the first time. Then after a while, I didn’t feel her anymore and I knew she was gone.

Cody and I decided to name her Ellie Grace.

After the abortion procedure the next day, I begged the staff to take photos of Ellie Grace’s hands and feet for me, and they took the most beautiful photos of her. It looked like she was surrounded by clouds.

At the hotel, I cried and my husband and I cuddled and prayed for our daughter all night.

When we got home, it was very hard to tell my sons that I didn’t have a baby in my belly anymore. They knew we were having a “sissy.” We got advice on how to explain that sissy’s heart stopped in mommy’s belly, and I reassured them that they both grew healthy in mommy’s belly.

But the first thing my oldest son said was, “I guess I didn’t pray hard enough for a healthy sissy.”

That really got to me, and I told him that it wasn’t his or anyone’s fault and that his prayers are beautiful.

I went into a depression after losing Ellie Grace. I didn’t want to see anybody or talk about it. I would sleep and cry. My husband was the rock of our family and had to hold it together for our boys.

Then one morning my father was watching “Good Morning America” and he saw Dr. Austin Dennard, a Dallas OB-GYN, telling her own story about having an anencephaly baby and having to leave Texas to get an abortion. He told me, “You should talk to her.”

When I finally got through to her office, I left a message about how I had gone through something similar. She called me that night and we talked for two hours, and I was just so thankful that she came into my life.

She knew what it was like to be in this situation, and we built a friendship.

After a few months, my husband and I decided we would try again to have a healthy baby. We decided to try IVF because the doctors would be able to test the embryos we made for genetic defects.

It was a big gamble, but we got three embryos and they all tested as normal.

We had one of the female embryos transferred into my uterus in October 2023, and I became pregnant. Everything was going great until we went for an ultrasound at 14 weeks.

Once again, we saw our baby’s fingers and toes, but then the sonogram technician asked, “What were you diagnosed with last time?”

I said, “Anencephaly,” and she said, “I’m going to have the doctor come in.”

I was shaking on the bed, and my husband and I were trying to take deep breaths when the doctor—a different maternal fetal medicine specialist—came in and began to perform an ultrasound.

He turned to me and said, “Hollie, I can’t believe that I am seeing this, but your baby has anencephaly.”

I said, “You’re wrong. You are wrong. This can’t be happening again. Please scan me again.”

He scanned me about 10 times and I could tell he was very emotional. He said he had never seen this happen to any of his patients—two back-to-back anencephalies. He felt horrible. I later learned that he cried on the phone when he called my OB-GYN to tell her the diagnosis.

I began to scream and cry. I’m sure that the whole hospital heard me.

That night, I called Dr. Dennard and she, too, had never seen this before in her practice and wanted to do something concrete to help—to see if I could at least try to have my abortion done in a Texas hospital so I wouldn’t have to go through everything I had been through before.

She connected me with the lead lawyer for the Zurawski v. State of Texas case that she had joined. (Editor’s note: Amanda Zurawski, Dr. Dennard, and the other plaintiffs were represented by the Center for Reproductive Rights, and were trying to get the Texas Supreme Court to clarify exceptions to Texas’s near-total abortion ban, and to include an exception for fatal fetal anomalies like anencephaly.)

I spoke with the Center for Reproductive Rights’s lawyer, Molly Duane, but she didn’t feel that we could do an emergency lawsuit to get an abortion in Texas because Kate Cox had just lost her lawsuit under similar circumstances.

This time we went back to New Mexico, but to a different abortion clinic. At this one, my husband could wait for me inside, and the protesters were farther away. The doctor was also a former Texas OB-GYN.

Since I was only a few days past 14 weeks, it was fortunately just a one-day procedure. But when I was given medication to dissolve in my mouth to stop my baby’s heartbeat, I just couldn’t do it. I gagged and spit it out.

The doctor asked me if I would feel better if she inserted the medicine vaginally, and I agreed.

While my husband and I waited for the medication to work, we decided to name this baby Lily Grace. After the procedure, I was able to get hand and foot prints of Lily Grace.

This all happened just before Christmas 2023.

I was grieving, but I was also so angry at my state. I decided that I had to fight. I had to fight for my daughters. I had to fight for other women in this state and country because these laws are not OK.

I told Molly that I was ready to join the Zurawski lawsuit; however, the Texas Supreme Court dismissed the case. Nevertheless, I got connected to all the other women who had been the plaintiffs, and I met Kate Cox for lunch.

The other women in the lawsuit and Kate Cox—we all say it’s a club we never would have wanted to be a part of, but we are so thankful to have each other. We have a text thread, have dinners, go to each other’s kids’ birthday parties, and we also speak out together.

I spoke for the first time on a Zoom call in front of the Texas Medical Board, where I told my story. Going public like that has been hard, but it’s been healing.

Then last March, my period was late and I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.

I am pregnant and due in November. It is a true miracle. I have been terrified at every doctor’s appointment and ultrasound. Fortunately, at a 10-week sonogram, I was told my baby’s head looked really good.

Then anencephaly was officially ruled out at my 17-week ultrasound. I cried happy tears, and when we did a gender reveal, we found out we are having a girl.

I want them to understand this could happen to their daughter one day. It could happen to any woman.

Of course, I am still terrified and hold my breath at every doctor’s appointment, but I’m 32 weeks along and everything has been checking out well for my baby. She is even in the 87th percentile for her size.

I’ve learned through my traumatic journey that a pregnancy is not a guarantee. Anything can go wrong until that baby is out in your arms and crying.

As for Texas, I feel like the politicians stripped away my rights and women’s rights to make the choices that are best for our bodies and our babies.

So I will continue to speak up, fight, and tell my story. I just pray that I and the other women, like my friends, will be heard by the governor and the attorney general.

I want Texans and other Americans to get more educated about these laws, including people who are against abortions. I want them to understand this could happen to their daughter one day. It could happen to any woman.

Women have already died because of these abortion bans. And what would have happened to me if I had gone to term with these babies?

I could have lost all my reproductive organs and not be pregnant right now. But we did what was right for me, and I’m here today fighting for this little miracle.

My husband tells me all the time how proud he is of me, and so do my parents.

I have a lot of friends who are strong Republicans and didn’t believe in abortion, but hearing my story made them think about these laws. Some of them still had no idea about the abortion ban laws.

They’ve said, “Oh God, you should have been able to get the care you needed in your home state with your own trusted doctor.” Some of them have even told me that they have changed the way they vote, now.